Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"I'm under federal indictment, get me out of here."

Been watching Celebrity Apprentice for some damn reason, and while watching Joan Rivers compare professional poker player Annie Duke to Adolf Hitler on Sunday, it occurred to me that for a reality TV show, it's not really all that realistic. Really. I understand that Joan was upset because Duke previously had unkind things to say about former Playboy playmate Brande Roderick, and that Annie had done a 180 to the detriment of Joan's daughter Melissa in the jewelry auction, but hey...that's Apprentice!

For god's sake, Joan and Melissa are on opposing teams. Melissa is taking sides with her mother against Duke, her own teammate! How silly. Everyone knows that nepotism has no place on a reality TV show like Celebrity Apprentice, am I right or am I right Ivanka?

On reality TV, you have to be ready for anything. You just never know when a motorcycle builder like Jesse James is going to cut a chili fart on camera, or a skating gold medalist like Scott Hamilton is going to forget to put sugar in cupcakes. You have to roll with the punches, and so while Duke is certainly scamming Roderick into thinking they're friends in making cupcake decisions, that doesn't excuse Joan Rivers. Seriously, Hitler comparisons just have no place in reality TV either.

And speaking of Dennis Rodman, who the hell picked this lineup? Clint Black, Tom Greene, Hamilton, Dice Clay, Khloe Kardashian, Roderick, Brian McKnight, Tionne Watkins, Natalie Gulbis, and Herschel Walker are celebrities? Joan and Melissa Rivers are celebrities? Claudia Jordan opens suitcases on Deal or No Deal. She's a friggin' celebrity?

Not in my world they aren't.

I don't know, maybe it's me but the only person in the whole bunch who is even mildly current, celebrity-wise is Jesse James. He's got the famous wife, and at least his show features his talents at pimping cars and bikes. What the hell has Dennis Rodman done since MJ stopped carrying his marginally talented ass 10 years ago? Drink, that's what.

Khloe Kardashian? Who in the hell is Khloe Kardashian?

No, what Celebrity Apprentice needs is some fresh blood, and a real hot ticket celebrity. I think The Donald needs to make a bold move, right now. It's time to break the bad news to the Rivers sisters, (they aren't?), they both should be fired immediately, and they can take Clint Black with them.

What Celebrity Apprentice needs, is Rod Blagojevich.

Now that U.S. District Judge James Zagel has ruled that Rod cannot go to Costa Rica to film "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here." this would seem to be a perfect time to pull the trigger, and offer him an invite to join Celebrity Apprentice. Donald could hire private security to make sure Rod doesn't take it on the lam, which was the concern with Blago's Costa Rica trip. Picture a couple of former federal agents following Blago around New York for an hour every week. The damned ratings would go through the roof.

Just imagine Donald Trump's hair and Rod Blagojevich's hair in the same board room.

I think it's a bold, innovative idea, whose time has come. Blago needs money~ he stood to make as much as $123,000 in Costa Rica~ and this would certainly help him promote his book, which is going to blow the lid off of the corrupt system of government in Illinois, and which goes on sale just before he stands trial for 19 counts of corruption.

Just like reality TV in general, this Blago idea of mine is a no-brainer.


Keifus said...

Brilliant! Rod and the Donald deserve each other like no one else. I might even watch such a thing. It's a pity that one would have to survive.

Schmutzie said...

It is tongue in cheek of course, but I really would LOVE to see Blago and Donald together. Just imagine that shit Keifus. That's gold waiting to be mined.

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