Friday, October 29, 2010

Grant Park




And as the Chicago police worked their way east on Balbo, they crossed onto Michigan Ave.

There, ahead of them, they saw thousands and thousands of people gathered in Grant Park. The city of Chicago was very concerned.

In Mayor Daley's eyes, the assembly was illegal. No permit had been issued. The police could hear the crowd chanting. Hard to make out clearly, but it was something about dissatisfaction with the American government.

Those in Grant Park felt that they were exercising their right to assemble peacefully. Clearly a First Amendment issue, so fuck you and your permit. This is the United States and we still have that Constitution backing us up.

Another group of police approached Grant Park from the north. They came east on Congress, and as they crossed Michigan Ave. they could see that the two sculptures guarding the entrance, Spearman and Bowman had been vandalized. The two proud warriors still sat astride their horses, but Bowman's bow had been snapped off and Spearman's spear was also missing.

Vietnam War protesters.

The cops on Balbo looked north, past the Hilton, and could see their fellow officers moving east into the park. They entered from the south, and moved slowly towards the mass of humanity.

"Sarah Palin is a fucking retard!" came a shout from the crowd.

"Take it easy. Take it easy. We're all here to have a good time. We can talk about Palin without all that shit. Let's talk about solutions."

"Excuse me, we're with the Chicago police...."

"Oh hey fellas, how's it going?"

"Fine thank you. Do you have a permit for your gathering?"

"Nah. Angie McMahon with the Chemically Imbalanced Theater raised eighteen thousand bucks on Facebook, but the douchebags over at the Park District gave her the old red-tape runaround and refused to issue the permit anyway. Hey look, it's Oprah!! Hi Oprah!!!"

"She raised eighteen grand and they wouldn't..."

"That's right officer. Isn't the city kinda strapped for cash at the moment?"

"Don't even get us started. Our last contract was a fucking nightmare. Somebody offered them eighteen grand for permission to do something they're legally allowed to do..."

"That's right officer. We're not breaking any laws."

"No you aren't."

"Wanna beer?"

"Nah, we're on duty. You have a safe day now."

"You too officer."

LINK

Dear Chicago Park District,

Fuck you. Arrest me.

Love,

Smutty.



3 comments:

Keifus said...

A call to the Park District late Thursday was not returned, but in the letter the city offered instructions should she "desire to proceed with your First Amendment event."

How did that reporter ever get out of the free speech zone? The basic problem I have with the sanity rally deal, is that there's plenty of bullshit to be angry about.

I'll tell you though, if the big bash ever gets called in on a noise complaint or something, you're elected to be the guy who talks to the cops.

Michael said...

I'm watching the DC rally from the office. Interested to see how they deliver their message which, I'm guessing, will be your message.

If all they do is bitch about Palin, meh.

On the other hand, if they focus on the real issue, which is that there IS a bunch of bullshit to be angry about, and that splitting up into two distinct camps is no way to go about solving our problems, they may be on to something.

(I've always been the guy who gets picked to talk to the cops. I'm batting about .750 lifetime.)

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