You're probably asking yourselves "Gee, I wonder how that 51 year old, two packs of Marlboro a day, junkie from Chicago is doing in his attempt to rid himself once and for all of our criminally addictive product."
Fuck you, fuck your drugs, fuck your lobby, fuck your NASCAR team, fuck your F1 team, fuck your marketing department, fuck your research and development department, and fuck the guy who sprays the menthol on the pile of tobacco leaves. Kick that motherfucker in the balls for me.
You're probably saying to yourselves, "Well sure, he's one of our junkies and he's trying to kick, and he's just a little on edge. You know what he could use? A nice smoooooth Marlboro menthol in the handy flip-top box. Send him a nice $10 coupon for his next carton. He's on our mailing list."
Fuck Washington Duke and his fucking farm in Raleigh, NC. In fact fuck the entire state of North Carolina. Fuck James Bonsack and his goddamned 1881 cigarette rolling machine that allowed you assholes to make 120,000 cigarettes a day. Goddamned jackals.
As I feel your poison leaving my system, the cravings are growing. The withdrawal. Twitchy fingers.
One of your carcinogenic delivery devices is sitting right in front of me.
It's talking to me Philip.
It's calling to me.
Just flip that gold Zippo open, and light me.
Breathe deep the soothing nicotine, and the edginess will disappear.
In fact, your entire industry can go fuck itself. You're a bunch of Pablo Escobars. Drug peddling bastards, every last one of you.
Sure, I'm a little twitchy right now you god-damned sons-of-bitches, but this will pass. And then comes the winning duh.
Food, fresh air, no more social outcast, no more listening to my family and friends telling me I'm a suicidal d-bag
And no more spending money on your drugs. Lots and lots of money that I'm keeping from now on, instead of giving it to you so you can sell me more drugs. It's my money, but you want it don't you?
My cash is your drug, isn't it?
Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off.
Has anyone told you cocksuckers today that you're a bunch of degenerate ghouls?
They have now.