Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The donald

It's getting so bad that I find it an effort to capitalize his name.

I'd like to wonder how this clown ever achieved any level of notoriety, but I've been part of the problem for years. There's something almost irresistible to me about someone acting or speaking as an authority on something, anything really, when it's perfectly clear that the voice of authority is really just a mighty wind.

I love watching a huckster in action. Puffery, and self-promotion, and pure unadulterated bullshitting is funny to watch.

There's magic afoot when you have a Meatloaf, a Gary Busey, and a Joan Rivers on one side of a boardroom table, desperately pleading their cases to Donald Trump, flanked by two of his insufferable progeny. It's positively surreal. What would it be like to actually work for the bloviating self-promoting mountain of shit that is Donald Trump? Lou Ferigno was damned near weeping after Trump fired him. Charity schmarity, they're crying because they got shamed by the world famous for being world famous Donald F-ing Trump.

Yeah, he went to Fordham, and then Wharton, and he has a bachelor's in economics. He also had a wealthy father who greased the skids for his son's entrance into the world of commercial real estate. Not sure whether it was Fordham, Wharton, or Fred Trump....but someone apparently taught Donald how to go bankrupt on multiple occasions. His Trump Entertainment Resorts filed for Chapter 11 just 3 years ago.

And yet, Donald Trump is sold as a genius businessman. He sells himself as a genius businessman. Just ask him, and he'll tell you "I'm a genius businessman."

A genius businessman who somehow figured out a way to bankrupt a fucking casino.

I thought that was mathematically impossible.

But that didn't stop me from tuning in and watching Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice." That show is one of the absolutely perfect things in this world. It is perfect bullshit. Everything about "Celebrity Apprentice" is bullshit. The celebrities are bullshit, the tasks are bullshit, the rules are bullshit, the scoring is bullshit, and the boardroom is bullshit. Everyone is completely full of shit. They're bullshitting each other and they're bullshitting Trump. Trump is bullshitting them and he's bullshitting the audience, and it's all just so wonderfully bullshitty.

But it's all in fun.

Because Donald Trump is bullshit.

Everything about Donald Trump is phony from his wealth, to his business acumen, to his word in business transactions, to his taste in palaces with solid gold fireplace dragons.

Everyone knows Trump isn't the heavyweight he tries to portray.

There are people in this country whose wealth dwarfs little Donald Trump's, even during his non-Chapter 11 cycles. There are serious business titans out there who snicker at Donald Trump.

There are grad students who know more about business than Donald Trump.

Late in the guilty pleasure of film that is "The Quick and The Dead," The Kid (Leo DeCaprio) stands in the middle of the street and chides the townspeople for being so afraid of Herod (Gene Hackman), the guy who happens to run the town and who also happens to be The Kid's father.

"The gunfight is in the head, not in the hands," barks The Kid to the people gathered to watch the showdown. "The only reason he's invincible is because you all believe he's invincible."

Herod proceeds to kill The Kid in their gunfight, which sort of defeats The Kid's point, but you take my meaning...

The only reason Donald Trump is perceived to be a shaker and mover in American politics is the same reason he is seen as a brilliant business mind....because we let him pretend to be. We fool ourselves into believing that Trump is a genius even though even a cursory investigation reveals Trump's ineptness in black and white. Red ink. Losses. BK. Borrowed money. Big Shell Game. House of Cards. Paper wealth that changes with the breeze.

Yet nobody wants to stand up and say, "Hey Donald, you're a fucking huckster who plasters his name on gold leaf toilet paper. You're a joke."

Probably because it's all fun and games and who gives a shit if people want to buy $4million condos in one of his architecturally heinous creations right?

Well now Trump has doubled down, and gone the Joe Arpaio route. Never mind the fact that when Barack Obama made public his birth certificate last year, Donald Trump wiped the egg off his face and told everyone how proud his was to be the guy who "finally got this out of the way."

He took credit.

Obama's birth certificate made Trump so proud.

Last year.

This year, Trump thinks the birth cert is fishy, and he told Wolf Blitzer that he knows many,many,many,many other people who think it's a fishy document too (like Arpaio, no names given by Trump of cour$e.) He thinks that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and that the birth announcement in the Honolulu paper back in 1961 was part of a large conspiracy that culminated with Barack Obama being elected president.

I'm calling bullshit on Donald Trump.

It's just too despicably racist to allow to pass simply because Trump's our silly rich guy, poor guy, rich guy again mascot.

Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Don Jr. & Eric Trump too. We can toss in Ivonka for good measure and turn the whole thing into a giant incestuous Trump Production of The Aristocrats for all I care.

Enough is enough.

Let this cracker piece of shit own this birther thing. Let it be the thing that drags his sorry ass down into the bowels of the Rush Limbaugh Level of the It's Not Funny Anymore Hotel.

Donald Trump is clown shoes, and I will never willingly watch another one of his goddamned bullshit laden TV shows for as long as I live.

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